MEMORANDUM

From: The Nobel Candy R & D Department

To: The Candy-Eating Public

Re: Our Amazing Breakthrough

We are pleased to announce the release of our newest addition to the Nobel Candy line, Mitarashi Dango Gummy. For those unfamiliar with mitarashi dango, it is a popular Japanese festival snack consisting of five small skewered rice balls covered in a sweet shoyu-based sauce. Our research has shown that kids love the things. It has additionally shown that 82% of adults, 95% of whom were once kids, also love the things. Therefore, we have spent the past five years developing a patent-pending Shoyu Injection System in order to provide you, the candy-eating public, with the millions of soy-sauce filled gummies you undoubtedly crave, at the staggering injection rate of 5.2 gummies per second!

We hope you enjoy the fruits (or should we say salty condiments?) of our labor. In the meantime, we continue to wait hopefully for the day when we might receive the namesake prize we believe is our due. Especially now that we have this whole Shoyu Injection System thing (patent pending). Thanks in advance. That's all.

Sincerely,

Nobel Candy

MEMORANDUM

From: Giant Jeans Parlor, on behalf of The Candy-Eating Public

To: The Nobel Candy R & D Department

Re: Your Fateful Mistake

I received your memo and sample of the recently-released Mitarashi Dango Gummy. You should be aware I tried it out of morbid curiousity, not out of a burning need to fill the shoyu candy hole in my life. While objectively I can admire your impressive gummy-injection rate, I also must ask the question certainly on the minds of all who have read your memo: why? Quickly followed by this imperative: please stop! Just because you can turn something into a gummy candy doesn't mean you should.

I will concede that your product is not as terrible as many others I have tried while working on behalf of The Candy-Eating Public. The mochi-like texture and combination of sweet and salty flavors is indeed reminiscent of an actual mitarashi dango. I'll even admit that I've been absentmindedly munching on the gummies all afternoon, trying to figure out what makes them so very wrong. I don't yet have an answer for you. All I can say is, if prize-winning is your goal, I'm afraid injecting candy with soy sauce will surely prove fruitless (or should I say salty-condiment-less?).

Yours truly,

Giant Jeans Parlor