This one is for Fry. I'm not dead!*

One of the very best things about having a website is being able to see the things that people search for that bring them to my site. The obviously-porn-related ones are of course my favorite because I love things that make me cringe and also speculate. The best one of this month so far:

mom her-skirt-up-her

It's so rich and complex! Why the dashes? What about the unclear pronouns -- is the mom's skirt up herself or is there another girl involved? What is the skirt "up," exactly? How would you even know it was a mom? If you know the answer to any of these questions or any other question that may arise from pondering "mom her-skirt-up-her," please do let me know.

I also get a lot of hits from people looking for dirty things involving jeans.

*My life is in turmoil, but it is too soon to write about it. Hence the fluffy pieces about porn searches.

A little while ago I read an essay by Flannery O'Connor about her love of peacocks (or "peafowl"). It was pretty long, considering it was an essay about peacocks, but interesting because she obviously loved peacocks very much. It also had a certain voice that made me think, What a lady. It makes me hope that one day I too will be a Lady -- but not a prim and uptight Lady in flowered dresses. I want to be a sassy Lady, one who wears crazy scarves and/or coveralls and has unLadylike hobbies, like raising worms or fixing motorcycles.

Here is a very Lady quote from The Joy of Cooking by Irma S. Rombauer. (I need to get a better Lady name, too. Something like "Thelma Wall Butler" or "Patty Perlmutter.") It's from the chapter on canning:

"I should like to begin my chapter with the assurance that it is a thrill to possess shelves well stocked with home-canned food. In fact, you will find their inspection (often surreptitious), and the pleasure of serving the fruits of your labors, comparable only to a clear conscience or a very becoming hat."

Damn.

A year ago, my dad left his job to start his own business.
The name of that business? Awesome Line.

I am the heiress to Awesome Line.

I stayed home sick today, with only my phlegmy throat and hacking cough to keep me company. I have no attention span and have therefore done the following today:

+ Read On Writing by Stephen King. All of it. (I read fast.) It was a good sick-day book.
+ Took approximately three naps, but never fell completely asleep. (I don't nap well.)
+ Ate three oranges. Good ones.
+ Read the third draft of Rob and Todd's script, which triggered coughing attacks every time I laughed out loud.
+ Shopped for new, cute panties online. (A tip: googling "cute panties" will bring you nothing you want.)
+ Read Found Magazine #1 from cover to cover.
+ Knitted one row of the neverending scarf.
+ And now, this.

During the break in my writing class today, the boy sitting next to me (who always makes scathing but true comments about the stories we workshop) turned to me and apologized for not being in class last week, when we talked about my story.

"I didn't want to hear everyone else brutalize it. I wanted to tear it apart myself."

Then he said he really liked it and asked if I was published.